


Variations on a Five-Paragraph Theme

by Mireille



Series: Five People Who, in Some Dimension, Dated Xander Harris in High School [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Community: spring_with_xan, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-01
Updated: 2008-04-01
Packaged: 2019-03-21 07:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13735998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mireille/pseuds/Mireille
Summary: If at first you don't succeed... Set in an AU in which Willow/Oz never happened.





	Variations on a Five-Paragraph Theme

**freewriting**    
  
 _Freewriting is a great way for you to begin to develop your thoughts on your chosen essay topic. We will be freewriting in class; you can also try it on your own time following these simple guidelines: (1) Write for a period of time (10 minutes is good) without stopping; (2) don't make corrections as you write; (3) keep writing until the end of the time period, even if all you can think of to write is, "I don't know what to say"; and (4) **most importantly** , don't worry about whether or not what you're saying "sounds dumb." The idea is to get your thoughts out, so you can start looking for ideas you can develop in your essay. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_   
  
  
There had been a guy. He was sure about that. There were a lot of things he wasn't sure about from last night, because somehow he'd turned into G.I. Joe and that wasn't wiggy, no, not at  _all_ , there was no way in which he was wigging about the fact that he could still remember a lot of what it was like to be that guy.   
  
Whose name was Xander Harris. But was not him. Was definitely, definitely not him, especially the part in the back of soldier-boy's mind that was freaked out about "Don't ask, don't tell," which was  _spectacularly_  not him.   
  
But there had been a guy. Xander was pretty sure that he--real-him, not soldier-him--had seen the guy around before now, but he hadn't known the guy's name. Only that he'd shoved the guy out of the way of a demon, and there had been this... look. This look that had totally not been a look, because Xander didn't get that kind of look from anyone, and definitely not from guys. Especially guys with spiky hair and black nail polish and an atmosphere of cool around them.   
  
Xander wasn't cool. Xander also didn't care about getting looks from guys. That was the soldier, that had to be the soldier, because Xander Harris was not into guys that way. Even guys with this quirky little smile that made Xander--Private A. Harris, G.I. Joe Guy--want to lean over and kiss him.   
  
He hadn't done it, because there'd been a strange girl--well, a strange girl then, but now he knew it had been Willow, although in Xander's world, Willow didn't even show that much skin at the swimming pool, and it was definitely also soldier-boy who'd thought she looked kind of hot like that--and things had gotten more than a little bit crazy, and then things were back to normal.   
  
Normality being the kind of place where Xander didn't think about guys. "Normal" meant sitting here and looking at the notes Ms. Beakman had written all over the paper she'd just handed back to him, which mostly said that Xander's thoughts were too rambling and incoherent and repetitive, and she hoped he did better with the next essay, the one she'd just assigned them on "Should Schools Put Less Focus on Sports?", and what were his thoughts  _supposed_ to be like? She ought to try looking in his head  _now_. There wasn't a thing about sports in it.   
  
Because right now he was thinking about that guy whose name Xander didn't even know, who'd given him a weird little smile last night and made not-Xander's stomach do the little flip he usually associated with Buffy in a miniskirt.   
  
Mostly, he kept finding himself thinking about the fact that he'd run into the guy again earlier that morning, and the guy had smiled, just starting to say something that sounded like it would probably turn into "hey," when Xander had turned and bolted into class, and how much of a idiot could he  _be_ , anyway?   
  
Well, considering the F he had just gotten on this English paper, a pretty big one, but at least things were getting back to normal.   
  
Oh, please, let them be getting back to normal. The effects of everyone else's Halloween costume had worn off last night, but his hadn't. He could remember things that Private not-him Xander Harris had known, and he was still having not-him-at-all thoughts about guys with interesting smiles who had managed to stay pretty calm even though a demon had run right past them.   
  
Normal, Xander thought. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough on it, it would happen.   
  


* * *

  
  
 **outline**    
  
 _Outlining your essay before you start to write serves two purposes: first, it helps you to make sure you've met all the requirements for the assignment (introduction, conclusion, three body paragraphs with main ideas and at least two supporting points each); second, it allows you to organize your thoughts and spot weak points in your reasoning before you start to write. It is much easier to make changes to an outline than to a finished essay! Don't forget that in addition to your outline, you are required to turn in the thesis statement for your essay. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  


**WHY I SUCK, by Xander Harris**

  
  
Thesis Statement: I am a completely sucktastic excuse for a human being because I am a traffic hazard, because my Halloween costume might have turned me gay, and because I lost my outline for my English paper, which is a class I am flunking.   
  


> I. Traffic hazard   
> 
>
>> A. Stand there like a moron because I saw the guy from Halloween.   
> B. Start walking backward because I'm not 100% sure that it's him and I'm still trying to see.   
> C. Run into Aura   
> D. Knock all her books all over the hall   
> E. Also all of mine   
> F. Lose sight of the guy when picking books up   
> G. Why do I need books anyway?   
> 
>>
>>> 1\. It's not like I read them.   
> 2\. Or even open them.
> 
>   
> II. Have I mentioned that my Halloween costume might have turned me gay?   
> 
>
>> A. Because it really might have.   
> B. Which is proof that it was evil.   
> C. Because I am so not.   
> 
>>
>>> 1\. No way.   
> 2\. Not even a little bit.   
> 3\. Much. 
> 
>   
> III. Also, lost outline for my English paper.   
> 
>
>> A. Would she believe my dog ate it?   
> B. Note to self: Need a dog.   
> 
>>
>>> 1\. I could call him Muttley.   
> 2\. Never mind. Vamps would probably eat him.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
**rough draft**    
  
 _While I will be making some notes about grammar and spelling on your rough drafts, the primary purpose of this assignment is to let me see if your ideas are logical, well-organized, and well-supported. Don't be discouraged if your essay needs a great deal of work at this point; that's why it's called a **rough** draft. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_   
  
"We can't do this," Xander blurted out, as soon as Oz got close enough to hear him.  
  
"Pretty sure not even Snyder can outlaw lunch," Oz said, sitting down on the edge of the picnic table and pulling an apple out of his jacket pocket, taking a bite.  
  
Xander's first thought was that he would have halfway expected Oz to be chowing down on rare hamburger, or something. His second thought was that there was a trickle of apple juice running down Oz's chin, and he wanted to lick it off.  
  
And that was why this whole thing was wrong. Wrong and stupid and oh, God, he couldn't  _do_  this. "Not lunch. This." He waved his hand back and forth between the two of them. "We can't. I can't."  
  
Oz just nodded. "I don't blame you. The wolf thing, it's a lot to deal with." Which just made Xander feel like a creep, because Oz didn't have any choice but to deal with it.  
  
Besides, it wasn't the wolf thing. It was-- "I like you," Xander said. "I mean, I really like you. I'm having obscene thoughts about that apple right now." Okay, maybe that was too much information. Oz didn't look fazed, but how could you tell with Oz? "But that's the problem. The obscene thoughts. I can't--I'm not--and I was trying to tell you that, and then you changed into--and I can't deal. With any of it. As proved by the screaming and running."  
  
"Screaming and running was the smart thing to do," Oz pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, but I was screaming and running from the guy I liked just as much as from the wolf."  
  
"Oh," Oz said, and Xander had been wrong. You could tell when you'd upset him. "Okay." And this was not how this conversation was supposed to be going. Xander had planned to apologize, not to flail around and tell Oz he wasn't interested.   
  
But that was what he'd done, and that was why Oz slid off the table and headed off in the direction of the band room.  
  


* * *

  
  
 **thesis statement, take two**    
  
Note on the rough draft of Xander Harris's most recent English paper:  _Xander, while I'm glad to see you've paid more attention to grammar and spelling this time, your paper is still disorganized and difficult to follow. Perhaps a clearer restatement of your central thesis is needed. See me after school if you need help. --Ms. B._    
  
Thesis Statement: Daniel "Oz" Osborne is not an acceptable lust object because he is a guy, a werewolf, and too cool to look at me twice, mostly the last one.   
  


* * *

  
  
 **conference time**    
  
 _On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, be prepared to work on your essay in class. I will be meeting with students individually to discuss specific issues in your essays and answer any questions you may have. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  
"Okay," Xander said. They had about half an hour before Willow was supposed to be there; it was a perfect time to corner Buffy and get her opinion. "The thing with Oz."  
  
"What thing with Oz?" Buffy scooted her chair closer to Xander's so they could talk without having to shout over the band. When he rolled his eyes at her--exactly how many things with Oz  _were_  there, anyway?-- she grinned sheepishly. "Oh. You mean the thing where he's a you-know-what."   
  
...Okay. There were apparently  _two_  things with Oz. "No," Xander said. "The other thing with Oz."  
  
Buffy looked blank for a second; then she grinned. "You  _do_  like him," she said triumphantly. "I knew it!"  
  
Well, that wasn't exactly the reaction he'd been expecting. "You're okay with that? I mean, with me, um, maybe being..."  
  
Buffy shrugged. "It was a little weird when I first started suspecting, but I got used to the idea."  
  
Suspecting? What was she suspecting? There was no way anybody could have been suspecting. He hadn't suspected. If anyone was going to be suspecting, it should be him, right? Other people couldn't have suspected before he did--and wow, he was moving into the realm of serious paranoia there; maybe he should back up a little. "Um. Okay," he said. "You do know  _I'm_  not used to the idea?"  
  
"Yeah," she said. "I got the story from Willow."  
  
Well, he had told Willow she could tell Buffy. He hadn't wanted to go through the whole embarrassing saga  _twice._  "So you know I'm a big freak," he said.  
  
She shook her head, taking a sip of the foam on her cappuccino. "You want to talk freak, start by taking a look at  _my_  life."  
  
Xander reached over and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. "You're not a freak," he said. "And I'm sorry. You don't want to hear about my 'Oh my God, I want to kiss Oz' crisis right now."  
  
"Yes," Buffy said firmly. "Yes, I do. It's way better than worrying about my own stuff--whoa, you really do want to kiss him?"  
  
The complete humiliation was worth it, Xander told himself, if it distracted Buffy from thinking about Angel for a few minutes. He shrugged. "Maybe? It doesn't matter, though, because I totally blew it already."  
  
"He won't talk to you?"  
  
"Talk?" Xander frowned. What was there to talk about? He'd been an idiot, Oz wasn't going to want to be with an idiot, end of story.  
  
"Boys," Buffy groaned. "Talk. Like, where you go find him and say, 'I was an idiot. I'm sorry.'"  
  
"You say that like it's easy," he said, but maybe it would be worth a try.

* * *

  
  
 **second draft: introduction**    
  
 _The introduction of your essay should give the reader a good idea of the essay's main points. Remember, this is your only chance to grab the reader's interest! [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  
This wasn't supposed to be happening. Oz was supposed to have written him off after Xander freaked about the werewolf thing, not to mention the gay thing (he was still freaking about the gay thing, kind of, and the werewolf thing too, but he was trying to achieve a state of Zen here), and so when Xander had gone up to him and tried to start a conversation, Oz was supposed to have blown him off. That was what Xander had been expecting. Heck, that was what Xander had  _wanted_ , because then he could get on with the important business of forgetting about Oz and getting on with his life. His very straight, very boring, very dateless life.  
  
Instead, Oz had smiled at Xander just like he'd been  _hoping_  Xander would come find him here, out behind the equipment shed where the stoners hung out during lunch. Xander didn't actually think of Oz as a stoner, but he did recognize certain stoner-like tendencies, and some of them had nothing to do with the joint he saw Oz passing off to Brandon Sparks before he motioned with a small jerk of his head that maybe they might want to talk somewhere a little less felonious.   
  
"Look," Xander said, once they were out of earshot, "I'm sorry about the other day. I just--I have this funny tendency to freak the hell out when the guy I'm talking to turns into a wolf. It's nothing personal, and--" he shrugged. "It's not even anything permanent. I mean, I'm not freaked out now."  
  
"Cool," Oz said, which weirded Xander out a little, because if he was Oz, he wouldn't have been so okay with Xander. He'd have been waiting for the next freakout, wondering when it was going to happen and whether he even wanted to be around Xander when it was totally inevitable.  
  
That was another reason Oz was way, way cooler than Xander. "And, um, the other thing? It's just kind of new to me, and I guess it just got to be way too much."  
  
Oz smiled again. "Yeah," he said. "It can do that."   
  
Xander grinned too, and then they stood there looking at one another for a little while before Oz said, "Listen, I've gotta go, but if you want to come over tomorrow, I've got the house to myself."  
  
"Tomorrow," Xander repeated, because he wasn't sure if that was great news or terrible. Was it Oz trying to do the "we can still be friends," thing, or Oz asking him on a semi-date? And which one was the right answer, anyway?  
  
"Yeah. It doesn't have to be any big deal, if it's still bothering you. We can just hang out," Oz said, and then Xander knew the right answer, after all.   
  
"It doesn't bother me," he said, even though it did, a little, because it would bother him a lot more to give up on this before it started.  
  
"Okay," Oz said, digging a piece of paper out of his backpack. Xander watched his hand move over the paper as he wrote down the address, the way his fingers curled around the pen, and it bothered him even less.  
  


* * *

  
  
 **second draft: body**    
  
 _Each body paragraph in your essay will focus on one of the main points in your outline. The main point from the outline will be the topic sentence of the paragraph; the rest of the material from that part of the outline will be the supporting evidence and details in the body paragraph. Each paragraph should be at least three to five sentences long. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  
Oz's hands weren't like any hands Xander was used to holding. They weren't small--a little smaller than Xander's, yeah, but Oz was shorter and skinnier than him, so it made sense that his hands would be a little smaller, too--or fragile-seeming (he knew girls weren't fragile; he's friends with Buffy, for God's sake, but he'd never claimed to be logic-guy). They were definitely guy hands, despite the chipped blue nail polish; the nails were short and a little ragged, and when their fingers tangled together, Xander could feel the calluses steel guitar strings left on Oz's fingertips. It made him wonder what they'd feel like running over the rest of his skin, whether it'd feel like sandpaper or just rough enough to be exciting. Given the way girls seemed to flock around guys in bands, he'd have put his money on the latter, and he wouldn't deny that he was looking forward to finding out. He'd have really  _liked_  to deny it, to be honest, because he was still pissed off that he turned gay over Halloween--he was blaming the costume, even if deep down he knew that had nothing to do with it--but he just couldn't.  
  
Oz's hands were stronger than Xander expected. Oz was kind of a geek--the cool kind of geek, but a geek nonetheless. Oz read a lot and kept to himself and didn't say much, and while the man-of-mystery thing and the guitar gave him mucho coolness points, the "geek" part came through loud and clear; whenever they talk, Xander's been constantly surprised when Oz turned out to be just as much of a dork as Xander himself. And none of those things led to "strong," in Xander's opinion, but the way Oz's hands slid over him--tracing the curve of his jaw; cupping the back of Xander's head, fingers curling in Xander's hair while they kissed--was strong and certain, because Oz, unlike Xander, was totally comfortable in his own skin, was totally okay with who he was and what he wanted. Maybe that was why he wasn't as freaked out about the werewolf thing as Xander would have been, in his place. Or maybe it was just because freaking out was one of Xander's best talents. He was thinking about doing it now, because he was trying to deal with hands of Oz and mouth of Oz and  _tongue_  of Oz and oh, God, he was suddenly aware of the  _rest_  of Oz, just a couple of inches away from him, and it was hard to breathe.  
  
Oz's hands were more gentle than he expected, too. A thumb glided over his cheekbone, and he could breathe again, at least a little. A hand rubbed lazy circles on his back, and this started to feel easy and natural, and Xander started wondering what all the freaking out was about in the first place. It was just Oz. Just the guy he liked, who liked him back--who thought Xander was funny and interesting and  _not_  too lame to talk to in spite of the massive coolness gap between them, and whose crooked smile Xander could still picture when he'd said,  _It doesn't have to be any big deal, if it's still bothering you. We can just hang out_ , and made Xander believe that was something besides just a line. And if Oz could make him believe all that, could make him calm down and relax into the kiss and start enjoying the slow slide of their mouths, locked together for so long that Xander felt almost broken when they finally pulled apart to breathe, then maybe Oz was a lot more than "just Oz," now that Xander thought about it.   
  


* * *

  
  
 **second draft: conclusion**    
  
 _The conclusion of your essay should summarize your main points or provide a final, broad perspective on your topic. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  
It was six o'clock and Oz's parents were going to be home soon, and Xander wasn't ready to face the parents of the guy he'd just spent the afternoon kissing. Just kissing; Xander hadn't realized that it was possible to spend that much time kissing without anybody getting annoyed and wanting more. Not that "more" wasn't tempting, and Xander was going to be spending some good old-fashioned alone time locked in his bedroom when he got home, but the kissing was good. The kissing was enough for today, and the only part of him that disagreed is the part that got Xander into trouble more often than not. The rest of him thought he'd dealt with enough for one day, and pointed out that Oz wasn't exactly pushing for more than that, either.  
  
But Oz was just as flushed as Xander was, his eyes just as wide and dark, his mouth red and wet from hours spent kissing him, and Xander didn't let himself look down, didn't know the rules of etiquette governing whether or not you should check out the guy you'd been making out with all afternoon to see if you were the only one with a hard-on. Oz was probably too cool, Xander thought, to get embarrassing public erections. Xander could only dream of that kind of cool.  
  
"So, tomorrow," Oz said, when they were at the door and Xander was psyching himself up for the potential humiliation of going in for a good-bye kiss and finding out whether two guys did things like that. It'd probably be okay, with Oz. If he wanted to kiss Xander, he'd do it; Oz didn't seem all that worried about whether what he wanted to do is what he was  _supposed_  to be doing. He just did it, and it turned out okay.  
  
Xander wondered if any of that was going to rub off on him by association. It'd come in handy. "Yeah?" he said, trying not to sound hopeful. Just because Oz said "tomorrow" didn't mean that his tomorrow was going to have Xander in it.  
  
And, as it turned out, it wasn't, because Oz said, "I have band practice tomorrow afternoon, and then my parents want me to come with them to dinner at my aunt and uncle's house." Weird, thinking that Oz had parents who expected him to do stuff. Oz seemed so self-contained. But then, Xander reminded himself, it's not like the guy  _hatched_. Of course he had parents, and of course sometimes they were going to want Oz around. Even Xander's parents wanted him around sometimes. Not often, but sometimes.   
  
"Yeah, okay," Xander said, because there's nothing else he could say about it. "That sucks," came to mind, but it was a little too soon, he thought, to be that visibly disappointed that Oz wouldn't be around. At this stage, it'd be more stalkery than appealing.  
  
"But I'll see you Monday," Oz went on.  
  
"Yeah," Xander said. "Because of school, and, you know, us both going there."  
  
Oz grinned again, that crooked twist of his lips that made Xander's stomach twist too, that always had, since that first night when he wasn't even himself. "Because I'd like to see you," he said, and it was funny how easy it was for all to be right with Xander's world.  
  


* * *

  
  
 **final polishing**    
  
 _Once your essay is complete, give it a final read-through. Spell-check is no substitute for careful proofreading! Be sure you're satisfied with the quality of your work before you turn in your essay. [From handout given in Ms. Beakman's English III class, Sunnydale High School, Sunnydale, CA]_    
  
So this was it, Xander thought. The moment of truth.   
  
He hadn't seen Oz since Saturday evening, when Oz had dropped him off in front of his house. And sure, Oz had  _told_  him that he had band practice and then dinner at his aunt and uncle's house on Sunday, and he wouldn't be  _able_  to talk to Xander, but that didn't mean that Xander didn't have plenty of time yesterday to worry that Oz would have changed his mind once he got home and had a chance to think about things.   
  
But now it was Monday, and Oz was coming down the hall right now, and Xander was going to find out whether or not Oz still wanted to talk to him.   
  
"Hey, Xander," Oz said. So apparently he wasn't going to be ignored, at least. That was a good sign. "What's up?"   
  
"Huh? Oh. Just... you know. Hanging around. Waiting for class. That kind of stuff." Oh, very suave, Xander. Very sophisticated. Very not at all sounding like a complete drooling moron.   
  
Oz nodded. "So," he said. "I'm thinking about skipping first period today. You coming?"   
  
First period history. First period with Oz. There was an actual choice to be made there? "Yeah, sure," he said, impressed with his own ability to get to the point when it really counted.   
  
Oz grinned, and so did Xander. It looked like he'd finally gotten this right, after all.  
  
  


* * *

  
Note on Xander's most recent English paper:  _Much improved! I told you that if you just kept trying, you'd get there. **B-!**  - Ms. Beakman_

**Author's Note:**

> [me on tumblr](https://mireille719.tumblr.com)


End file.
